Posted on August 23, 2025.
He has a red sweater with "HUG ME" written on it. There's nothing I can do but resonate with him because we both yearn for comfort and warmth.
We envision another bedroom, another society, and another mirror where our minds would be haunted by love and safety. In the presence of other conscious beings who we compensate for our own perceived lack of self-worth, we come to realize that we don't need their support and vision anymore. Neither does it matter if we're lonely or misunderstood, not at all. We chase happiness for the sake of it because nothing is truly entitled to our grievance.
On the messy couch sits him. I suck the air to form a kiss with my lips, and those particles of air combine with those of the room, as my kiss travels through the air in a balloon and lands between the spikes of his fur that carefully explode it. Well, he wasn't even facing in my direction in the first place, and he's kept static ever since.
What my mind whispers to me, however, is a feeling of pleasure and sweet assumption that he possesses a sort of consciousness - one that neither I nor you can ever observe. Rarely do I believe in the existence of things we can't observe, like supernatural deities, but it's okay this time.
I need someone's acceptance, so watch me message his dear presence. Magical is the only adjective that can describe him, and maybe, it's my own mental efforts that lend him such a spirit. He has a mouth of curved lines, two ears resembling those of cats, a red sweater with white borders, and a friend from Antarctica. In this context, what the hell is he but an adorable plushie?
Surely, such a question should matter to me, but only if I want to keep in touch with reality. Reality, reality, reality... So many times the writer has mentioned this word in this personal website. Leave me alone for once. I don't care if he's just a teddy bear. He still means the world to me, even in reality.
What does he even know about me? He knows everything I've been through, and I can see that he understands me. When my feelings pace around in rage like they're playing roles in an exaggerated ceremony, he was there to watch me and only watch me. Never has he treated me badly, and neither has he made one judgemental remark.
Not in a trained therapist's office, who must accept that, through reading the DSM, homosexuality is not a mental disorder but maybe struggles if confronted with a client like me - but in the messy bedroom of a teenager, where their screaming brain decays in, and the scattered piles of colorful objects inside are in harmony with. Who am I to exist in my teddy bear's presence if I don't appreciate his eternal lack of harm to me, besides his eternal motivation for peace?
Whenever the clouds cry outside, my name shatters his mind - just by watching the rain, I die. Through the glass between my eyes and the raindrops, he conveys my feelings to the clouds, and they pour off like they've never had before. Gloomy and gray, we're also bursting into tears because we've now brought the rain inside the house. Open the window if you dare.
Every now and then, he stands in front of my eyes, and he tells me to hug him, so that's what I do. He doesn't even have to scream an ounce of a sentence. I literally cuddle him, every time I want to, because that's what he evokes in me. We're mutually elevated, and I feel better and healthier - if I can kick off my negative emotions, so they don't overweigh the experience.
We connect with our shared time and lived experiences, and he explores the world around him, as much as I do. Sorry that I'm unable to take you outside every time I leave. Believe me, you wouldn't want to see how disordered society feels sometimes. Well, a small portion of it shows up in my room, even visually, so maybe you wouldn't struggle as much as I thought. In addition, you still catch me reminiscing while I look out the window.
Whatever the truthful thought pattern looks like, it's 6 a.m., I haven't slept yet, my eyes hurt, and he knows it. I love you, my teddy bear! (By the way, he doesn't have a name - but not because I don't value him! :3)
